Director: Jim Sheridan
Cast: Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz, Naomi Watts and Elias Koteas
Distributor: Warner Home Video
Release date: 16th April 2012
I don’t know about you but my favourite episode was the one where Phil Spencer went surfing. He’d found the ideal house on the Cornish coastline for a charming Lesbian couple, meanwhile Kirstie Allsopp made jokes about not fitting into a bathing suit. Ha! Because women don’t like how they look! Man, those guys slay me. They sure are good at their jobs though. They often find real gems of places. In fact it’s even weirder when you see an old episode from a decade ago and there are huge 3 bedroom houses up for £200k, or flats in London for less than 100k. Times sure do change….
What’s that? Why am I rambling on about Location, Location, Location? It’s the closest thing to Dream House that my brain can face writing about without a bottle of bourbon and a pack of anti-depressants at my side. Oh well, I can probably dig those up if I look hard enough, so let’s push on with it. Sigh.
Dream House stars good-as-Bond, carboard-in-everything else Daniel Craig as Will. He opens the film by quitting his lush job at GBH Publishing. (Incidently, can you imagine the sort of high concept books they must print??). Will has decided to spend more time with his family and luckily in today’s world, good jobs are meaningless. So he packs it in, stays home permenantly and begin to play happy families. Yet, once living a secluded life in their, wait for it, dream house, the family soon find they are being stalked by strangers and shunned by neighbours. Perhaps those rumours of their house being the site of a grisly murder are more than just rumours…
None of this matters though because the film just screams “TWIST COMING!!!” from the first scene onwards. Except it would be blindingly obvious to Stevie Wonder what is going on. About halfway through the film the twist actually occurs. In reality this moment is more of a resigned shrug for the audience than an actual twist. In fact, it’s worse than dull, it is pointless. For some really bizarre reason after its revelation, the film still tries to play this aspect up as a mystery. So all the pre-twist characters, logic and incidents are still at play identically in the post-twist film. Still, luckily for you Chubby Checker fans out there, there is a second twist at the end. Swerve! After 90 odd minutes though the only real revelation will be whether you want to live in a world where projects like Dream House get millions of dollars spent on them.
So are there any good points to the film? Umm… Umm… the cast is theoretically impressive, comprising of Daniel Craig, Naomi Watts and Rachel Weisz. None of them do anything terrible here, but then again none of them stand out either. They pretty much all just stand there and say the lines. I won’t blame the actors – the fact they are talented performers means they get away with being ‘OK’ in a terrible film. If they were poor actors, who knows how much worse it could have been to sit through. Besides which, none of them have any actual meat to their characters – you know, like motivation, back story, personality… little things like those. So I’ll give them a pass even though they aren’t very good here.
Hmmm, more positives… hmmm… the score is good. The film is well lit… Oh, and actually here there is one, additional nice touch for the Dream House DVD. It comes with a a digital copy of the film to to download with the disc. This may not be a good film, but to be fair it is extra content for your money. In closing I would like to add the fact I noticed this digital copy comes with the film has also been quite good me on a personal level. In some ways this has made me reflect on the theft of my jacket and iPod two weeks ago as a blessing. I sure would hate for this film to find its way into my life again somehow.
½ star, and that is solely because it has Elias Koteas in it, and he was once Casey Jones in the 1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film.
Rating: 0.5 stars