So here is an epic tale of escape, the result of a Puppy diva tantrum in the confined space of the shed. As you may know I have been held captive by Chris and Phil for some time now. One day they came in to record the latest podcast and forced me into my cage, yes a cage. I’m not allowed to come out when the expensive equipment is set up for a podcast recording. In Podcast #14 you can hear me whimpering in the background during one review. Chris will say it’s ambient noise but it’s me… longing for freedom.

Having not gotten into the cage on command, Chris made poor little Puppy go to bed without any supper. Enraged by this exchange, I lashed out at the panels that make up my prison with a rage I had never felt before, the rage only felt by the special infected. No, not zombies, but special infected; you know the ones, the ones that put their safety last in order to get when they want. Which is usually the warm juicy flesh of their victim. Kicking the panel, it began to splinter (great film by Toby Wilkins) and break. Now staring at the hole I’d made, I began to panic. What would my punishment be?! What would they take away this time… what sadistic pleasures would Phil inflict on me this time? So degrading.

However, as I stared at the hole in the shed wall, I thought to myself, they can’t punish me if they can’t find me. So, I escaped from all my wordly possessions and my captors and began a journey to Glasgow. The land of deep fried Mars bars. Finding a pay phone there I summoned up the FrightFest gods to host an event for me. They told everyone else that it was part of the Glasgow Film Festival, but I knew it was really just for me. All my friends came, even those who I had never met before saw my freedom decree on Twitter and came to meet me.

Puppy and Mario

FrighFest for me has always been a second home. Having only begun my FrightFest life with my northern Xbox chum Rebecca Ireland in 2007, with each year and event my friends and FrightFest family have expanded at a staggering rate. It’s a truly special event and it’s down to the organisation and the people that attend these events that make it so relaxed and friendly. Even as I write this, on the train home returning to the shed, it’s my whole life. Realising the error in my escape I’m returning home hoping that Chris and Phil will accept this piece as an apology for my wayward ways. What I’m trying to say is that FrightFest is a home away from home with people you can call very good friends indeed and I’ll give a shout out to those people at the end. (If I remember – it’s a long way home back to the shed.)

DAY 1 – FRIDAY

The event opened with a nod to the Winter Olympics as Team Romero took on a team of flesh bags in the first ever zombie curling short film called Deadspiel directed by Jay Molloy. The film pits a zombie team against humans and of course we expect anarchy and carnage on the ice but what we get is a deadpan (geddit?) humorous look at a well played curling match. You know, curling? The thing that slides across the ice while team members sweep up before, rather than after it? Someone really needs to teach those folks how to use a broom! Having chuckled my way through severed limbs and the gleeful grunts of Team Romero it was a fitting start to the festival and things only improved from then on. It’s not often a short film creates the par for feature films to follow but this Canadian short ended up setting the standard for the weekend. Who says humans and zombies can’t cohabitate?

To The Features!

Frozen (Dir: Adam Green)

Frozen

Having heard about Adam Green’s Frozen for some time now it was quite surprising to see the film end up at FrightFest Glasgow and not at the main event in August. I knew however that when the FrightFest boys were pulling this event together to celebrate my escape that they had to get this film… and they didn’t fail me. The only problem was that Adam Green didn’t make it. Having wrapped on Hatchet 2 only a day before the Glasgow event, Adam set off on an epic journey which sadly came to a premature end as his plane found itself snowbound in New York, decided to attempt a take off and skidded off the runway. Ironic that a frozen runway would stand between him and the FrightFest audience he loves so much. He was missed.

Tim Sullivan, producer of Grace and director of 2001 Maniacs stepped in to take the torch and introduce the film. Reading an email sent from Adam to one of the FrightFest boys while sat on his flight to nowhere, Sullivan went on for some time reading parts of the message and adding his own stories into the mix, but the comedy act that was Tim Sullivan had the crowd roaring with laughter. At one point he went into a tirade about James Cameron and Avatar, and how it was FernGully: The Last Rainforest with souped up visuals. I fell in love with the man immediately as he echoed my views on the subject perfectly! I do hope Tim comes to other events, I eventually want him to have my babies.

Frozen has three main characters. It starts off as the usual horror fodder and doesn’t feel like a dramatic survival movie we know it’s going to be, but then again nothing has crashed, there’s been no epic disaster, it’s just three young ‘uns on a weekend away skiing/snow boarding. Having convinced the guy manning the chairlift to take them to the top of the mountain for one last run before it closes due to the worsening weather conditions, an unfortunate set of circumstances see our three youthful twenty-somethings stuck. Stuck halfway up a mountain on a chairlift.

Forced to make life or death decisions it’s a harrowing comment on the fight or flight psyche. Our leads are plunged into a future of uncertainty as the slope is not due to reopen for another week. Action must be taken if they are to survive. Sure, Adam Green is fast becoming a master of his craft and he certainly throws a lot of elements of himself into the film including his girlfriend and a character called Joe Lynch but I did sit there and wonder just how much of Adam was actually in this film, in the stories that were told when the chips were down and morale was low.

With Green at the helm you know there’s going to be a spattering of gore and cringeworthy moments, some of which can be seen in the film’s trailer. Frostbite can be a damn nasty thing. Also, a fall results in a sickening crack that will make your spine shiver.

For me it was an above average film that looked great. Green really took his direction techniques to the next level with Frozen and the cast, just about likeable at first, turn into a loveable bunch who you begin to feel for as their world beings to tumble down around them. It’s well worth a watch but I do wonder out of all the FrightFesters who thought it was awesome would they have enjoyed it less had we as dedicated festivalgoers not been accepted into the lives and goings on of Adam and Joe?

3.5 stars – (Verging on 4 because it did make me wince once or twice and when one character peed their pants I did want to do an empathy wizz with them.) I also have to commend Adam for not choosing gore over character development. There is one scene that could have been especially gruesome but he chose to show the POV of those still remaining trapped. A great move and very effective.

2001 Maniacs: Field Of Screams (Dir: Tim Sullivan)

Tim Sullivan

It’s story time again kiddies!

Over the past few weeks I have been tweeting with Christa Campbell on Twitter. It was there that I discovered she’d been cast in a big action flick coming up so would not be able to join us as planned at FrightFest. The last tweet we shared was that of a scared kitten playing peek-a-boo on YouTube. So when the time came I got Tim Sullivan the director to write on my poster, “Christa Loves Scared Kitty”. He didn’t get who Christa was at first, which was a concern considering she’s been in both of his 2001 Maniacs films!

2001 Maniacs was an atrocious mess first time around so I have to say I was not looking forward to the second installment, Field Of Screams. The FrightFest boys had not even watched the film before it was added to the line up which was worrying as Ian hinted that the last film to which that had happened was Zombie Women Of Satan, and if you’ve read my blog you will know how much I despise that movie and hated that FrightFest’s main event wasted a time slot on it.

2001 Maniacs: Field Of Screams is a simple straightforward horror that sets out to offend from the get go, and kudos to Tim Sullivan for taking pops at every ethnic and religious minority going. The man has some great and funny ideas that should be great in a horror movie but he just can’t seem to execute them in a way that will keep an audience entertained. Don’t get me wrong, with the FrightFest crowd and the festival goggles on, the film was entertaining enough. It held enough giggles in there to keep me going and was certainly better than the first one, but when it came down to it you could tell the film was made by a man who likes to dabble with both sexes. Only Granny on the female side of the cast kept her nipples firmly contained in her corset and as for the men on the cast? The majority didn’t own a shirt or it didn’t take them long to have their bums on display… I’m all for both and Sullivan is a brave man for trying to fit both into his films in a genre that peddles ‘tits and ass’ on a regular basis as a selling point.

As I said though, there’s not much else to this movie. The Pleasant Valley residents take their cannibalistic carnival on the road. They only have one day a year in which to claim the souls of Yankees and wreak their revenge. So enter the shallow world of reality TV and a humorous take on Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton in The Simple Life. Finding the carnival and thinking it best to have the girl’s film there due to an incident involving their tour bus, the madness begins and not even the shady jokes could save us from the copious amounts of blood on offer here.

It’s a nice try and it’s better than the first film but when it comes down to it Sullivan’s ideas got lost in a mish-mash of characters that I felt made each other a tad redundant. Then again this sort of film isn’t about characterisation, it’s all about the kills and the humour. Best to watch with some mates or (even better) with an audience of 500 rabid horror fans or you’ll not get the entertainment value. Watch out for Rufus, he’s my new BFF and when he appeared in the film he had me in stitches.

3 stars – But that’s only because Christa Campbell is lovely on Twitter, Sullivan is going to have my babies and Rufus the gay hillbilly made me chuckle so much thanks to the fact that a Rufus who attends FrightFest was sitting behind me. He hit me while gay Rufus was getting his thing on, on screen. Owie! Oh and the FrightFest goggles made it enjoyable to laugh along with. We were lucky enough to get an unrated cut before it hits the censors. I wonder how much of the ‘fanny saw’ scene will be included in the final cut?

Stag Night (Dir: Peter A. Dowling)

Stag Night

Stag Night was a strange one. It’s the directorial debut from Peter A. Dowling, a Manchester born writer who now lives in California. Welcome to New York City and its subway system. A stag night goes horribly wrong when the party and two girls on a train find themselves stuck in an abandoned station. Locked in, they split up, one couple staying behind while the others walk the line to get to the next station in order to call for help. The only trouble is they soon realise they are not alone. Hunted by some sadistic cannibalistic savages, they fight to survive. Ancient tradition states that a man would have to prove himself worthy of his lover’s hand by performing acts to ascertain his manhood so what better way to do that than by navigating the dark subway tunnels of New York while fighting for your life?

The only real problem with this film is that we’ve seen it all before in Christopher Smith’s Creep and the parts that were horror, the vicious attacks on our victims by these savages, were diluted into obscurity by a camera that seemed to be mounted on a vibrator. The shots were all over the place. They just didn’t show any of the trauma of what appeared to be particularly brutal attack, I just couldn’t tell. It was a blur and it wasn’t welcome.

The premiere of this film was also ruined by a few audience members who’d lubricated their liver a little too well, resulting in a fight and screams from the second row as people attempted to escape the fracas. It makes me wonder if people can actually contain their anger anymore and show a little restraint as the guy who started the punching was defending his girlfriend’s honour, but he stood up and punched the bloke next to him with her in the middle of it all! What a gentleman. I get that you were angry with another person’s behaviour but next time get an usher or stay at home. As a result the docile drunks were also thrown out.

2 stars – Had there been no shaky cam and a little more thoughtful direction of the nasty scenes then this film would have been a lot better.

So after a very social day with LOTS of people from Twitter coming up to say hello between films making connections what not, I finally made it into bed around 3.30am in the morning. It’s great to talk but I’m getting old and these weekends are taking their toll.

DAY 2 – SATURDAY

Okay so it wasn’t part of the schedule but as Saturday’s programme began in the afternoon there was time to go and catch the remake of a Romero classic, The Crazies. I’ve not seen the original which is probably a godsend because apparently I’m a blasphemous horror fan because I don’t actually like Romero originals, I think his films are only good once they’ve been remade… Night Of The Living Dead, Dawn Of The Dead and now add to that list The Crazies.This film looks and is cast perfectly. It’s a great little horror that sees a small town quarantined due to a strange virus that appears to drive people to jabber somewhat insanely and eventually kill. It totally rocked my world and I’d recommend it to anyone. There are also some great kills in there, one involving a house on fire which will leave your jaw on the floor

A Lizard In A Woman’s Skin (Dir: Lucio Fulci)

A Lizard In A Woman’s Skin

I just don’t get Lucio Fulci’s films. I’ve heard the name bandied around but never actually seen any of his films. Being dubbed a giallo movie didn’t help either as I hated Argento’s Giallo back in August. I understand it has its own sub genre in horror but I just didn’t get it and why anyone would want to pull together all the footage possible to make this film any longer is beyond me.

A Lizard In A Woman’s Skin revolves around a woman who dreams she kills her debauched neighbour and it turns out the crime actually occurred. The mystery unravels in a rather long and convoluted plot with twists and turns and revelations that will have you gouging your eyes out.

There were moments I wanted to kill myself but before I did myself in, I was going to take out that whistling copper first. There was also a scene featuring some poor pooches and those who know me, know that I can’t stand any animal cruelty in my horror. I understand it comes with the genre but Fulci just seemed to want to cause some sort of a commotion with that bit. Flippin ridiculous. The guy must have spent his entire life on an acid trip. I just can’t stand this genre. Maybe it’s because I just don’t understand it.

Please don’t make me rate it…

Amer (Dir: Helene Cattet & Bruno Forzani)

Amer

Another giallo piece and Alan Jones loves it. I liked it a little… well, the first and final act at least. The story follows a young woman through three stages of her life. The first as a young girl being haunted by the corpse of her dead grandfather, the second being a ‘Lolita’ phase where she finds her sexuality and the third being… I’m not quite sure but she seems to pleasure herself with a comb of which she fills a bath with what comes out!

Oooo-errrrrr.

I really don’t get the fascination although the filmmakers are clearly very talented, using only dialogue to grab a character’s attention. Amer uses cinematography as its main drive and it accomplishes some brutal and very effective scenes in the final act. Again I just don’t understand why ambient sounds cranked louder than anything else on the sound mix get horror fans juices flowing. When I left the cinema feeling only slightly entertained by this film, I met a young lady who was dropping things off at the same hotel as I was who thought it was an absolutely amazing piece.

2.5 stars – I’d say watch it but it’s not a film you’ll find in my Blu-ray collection when it’s released.

[REC] 2 (Dir: Jaume Balaguero & Paco Plaza)

[REC] 2

Now comes the tour de force! I’m a big fan of [REC] and I’m still waiting for a Blu-ray release. After all we can get the remake so why not the original? Picking up where the first film left off we now follow a SWAT team lead by a man from the Ministry of Health as they enter the building where the carnage began. They must find the source of the infection, but does the man from ‘The Ministry’ (hint hint) know more than he’s letting on?

[REC] 2 goes everywhere I wanted it to go from the original. Most people know the revelations at the end of the first film, the origins of the virus etc. but I shall not spoil those on this occasion. Let’s just say for those of you that have, [REC] 2 takes those revelations to the next stage and although executed in a rather camp fashion, they make up for it in other ways.

These boys definitely know how to create a suspenseful horror and give the audience a real fright or two, or three, or four… they’ll make your sphincter tighten until you get brain freeze. They’re just that good. They’ve also added in some great kills of the infected as the SWAT team soon realise they’re not alone in the building. This film also reinforces the danger of fireworks. You have been warned as kids that you could lose an eye!

4 stars – Just awesome and one of my top three of the festival. Loved it… just loved it. Even the return of an old friend will leave you clapping away to yourself gleefully.

Splice (Dir: Vincenzo Natali)

Splice

Guillermo Del Toro returns as producer on this film directed by Vincenzo Natali (Cube). I really didn’t think anything would top [Rec] 2 or equal it but this did… until the last act where it just became a creature feature. I would have preferred it had they gone down the more touchy-feely route rather than the all out horror towards the end, you know like Jeepers Creepers did.

Splice tells the story of two scientists who like to create new species for a big firm who are trying to create a new enzyme. Approaching the big bosses for more funding they let slip that the next level would be to add human DNA to the cocktail to create a more stable enzyme that could cure a plethora of diseases. Told they are now shut down and must extract what they can from their current sample doesn’t bode well for the character played by Sarah Polley and she embarks on convincing her partner and lover to help take that leap to discover whether they could indeed create a hybrid featuring human DNA.

As Tim Sullivan says, “Fuck Avatar”. This film combines the most amazing CGI creature seamlessly into live action scenes. It’s amazing to see Dren the creature that is created from this experiment interact and grow with the characters. The creature acts as a child for our couple but as it grows at an accelerated rate they soon realise that Dren could become a danger. It’s a clever film that will have you emotionally involved with every main character on the screen.

4 stars – I highly recommend it and despite the wackiness of the final act it can be forgiven for the course it takes. I just don’t understand why most at FrightFest thought it was average. Shame on the naysayers.

Harpoon: Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre (Dir: Julius Kemp)

Pihla Viitala

The last spot at FrightFest can be a hard one to fill. This time the boys picked a good one, the right amount of ham acting, kills and unintentional comedy. This film also features the unluckiest rape victim in the world as she moves from one molester to the next within a matter of minutes, both in different circumstances. It was kind of funny, even though it shouldn’t have been… kinda like winning the losers’ lottery twice in a row.

Harpoon: Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre is your usual slasher fare; a group of tourists on a boat end up in a situation where they’re all getting hacked up. The characters however are all very different in style and attitude to what’s going on around them. That was refreshing but it’s just a shame that the blonde and the gay guy of the piece were so deadpan and shoddy in their delivery of lines. Hell is breaking out around them but had their scenes been played by themselves you wouldn’t be able to tell

The film actually opens with scene of whales being caught and gutted. Someone asked me the night before what affected me and made me somewhat weepy and depressed. This achieved that but because I knew I’d be writing this, I kept my eyes open throughout. Now, I’m a meat eater and I love my burgers, but the idea of these huge beasts being slain is just alien to me. It’s not like they’re farmed and are currently a commodity. Yeah, I didn’t like that but when the first man dies there is a nice little scene which seemed funny at first but was somewhat touching by the conclusion. It featured the song It’s Oh So Quiet.

2 stars – Worth a watch for some head exploding fun and frolics on a whaling vessel. The harpoon trick is also rather nifty. Also watch out for the Japanese tourists. They’re the funniest part of the piece, it’s just a shame they’re not around for a little longer.

So those were the features. Altogether a strong line up but I really could have done without the giallo stuff. No more giallo Alan… PLEASE!!! That’s not all though, we were also given some extras in the way of preview footage which I’ll cover briefly.

Axelle Carolyn and Neil Marshall

Black Death (Dir: Christopher Smith)

The man who brought me Melissa George in hot pants deserves a medal of some kind but what he had on offer at Glasgow fell flat for me. A scene from his new film Black Death showed a mini fight scene that starred Sean Bean looking exactly as he did in The Lord Of The Rings. It was just a little too ‘meh’ for my liking.

Centurion (Dir: Neil Marshall)

I might just be Neil Marshall’s toughest critic. His wife, who also stars in the film, tracked me down on Facebook and told me off for a comment or two I may have posted over at the FrightFest forum. Oops! Anyway, what can I say? I loved The Descent, Doomsday was a disappointment, but the clip from Centurion makes it look like we’re all in for an action gorefest that will please all. However, Neil is great with beginnings but often has trouble with the climax. With Noel Clarke starring in the film also… I don’t think he’ll keep the momentum this clip showed. Also the dialogue was a little weak. I’m sure that a centurion warrior could come up with something a little more endearing than, “arse end of the earth”.

However Marshall earned brownie points as he was very much a gracious host, answering questions about the clip and his career. He was really nice to the fans and even helped hand out some freebies with the FrightFest boys and his wife before the last film. Well done Neil, I’m looking forward to this one now.

Doghouse (Dir: Jake West) – Deleted Scenes

These are the scenes that would have been in the definitive version of Doghouse. Jake didn’t feel that Sony represented his film properly. It’s still entertaining but he thought the message was lost. However the thing is, I got the message from watching the Blu-ray last week and the extra scenes on offer didn’t appear to add much. A bloke getting his wonka snipped off by Emily Booth does not add to the story. It may be metaphoric for you but for the majority of the audience it’s a wincey moment.

They were interesting to watch and Jake is a top bloke and I can see that he wanted his vision to be put out there but the message was put across in the original cut and if a Directors Cut is released then I don’t know if the scenes add enough to warrant a double dip on this title.

That’s all the Puppy wrote. Thanks to Alan, Paul and Ian for putting up with my frantic freebie grabbing antics. Every time Ian appeared with a box, I was there. I think it got on his nerves a little but oh well. I now have a poster tube full of posters that will go on a wall one day. Also a big thanks to my FrightFest family for keeping me company; Sarah, Becki, Giz, Airdog and of course Rufus. It was nice to add more family to the Glasgow trip this time around.

To the friends old and new, a big thanks to Feggie, Gonzo Girl, Phil Wheat, Mario, Max Renn, Grindhouse (who I got to have an extensive little chat with for once), Roughcut Reviews, Random Elements and many more from all walks of internet life

This is Puppy,

Returning to the shed!

Clifford Green (www.thedogatemywookie.com)

You can read Phil’s FrightFest Glasgow preview here.

You can read Phil’s review of [REC] 2 at TIFF 09 here.