Puppy’s Hi Def Escapades

As I sit here, chained to a laptop, I ponder on whether or not if I were to chew through my arm, would I die from the blood loss before I escaped? It’s been fifty three days since I last saw my friends and family. My only companion is Mr Bucket who eats my poo; he’s a friendly bucket and I can’t bring myself to tell him his breath smells but alas what can I do? Chris and Phil won’t let me leave the shed and as the weather gets colder and my extremities become numb, it’s all too clear that they don’t intend me to make it to Christmas.

This is like some sordid version of Flowers In The Attic; Phil even brings me cookies from time to time. I think they’re poison, he says they’re rewards for completing Blu-ray reviews… I don’t believe him, it’s like the time he played the close your eyes and open your mouth trick on me…

For the love of god… Send help!

Now that’s out of the way, this month’s column was going to be one review but we’ve gone for two again. When Phil came in to the shed brandishing a stick of bamboo, I knew it was best to do as one is told. Please help.

First up?

G-Force

G-Force tells the tale of group of ‘genetically enhanced’ guinea pigs up against a potential plot to take over the world. We follow the adventures of Darwin (Sam Rockwell), Hurley (Jon Favreau), Juarez (Penelope Cruz), Blaster (Tracy Morgan) and their Mole friend Speckles (Nicolas Cage) in a race against time.

Originally I was going to review G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra but luckily for you people I was so uninspired, I fell asleep before the final act; so when G-Force finally arrived with a really cool invisible ink pen and ultraviolet light, I knew I was in for a treat… After all, the pen gave me a whole hour of fun; the shed now looks like the final act of Assassins Creed with invisible etchings on the wall. Of course Chris broke my fingers and took the pen away when he found out.

Back to the review. Unlike Pixar animated films this one keeps you on a constant high. It doesn’t take the Pixar route that everyone loves, starting off with a really dreary depressing opening so that they can lift you out of your funk and misery for an hour or so, only to bring you back down into a state of chronic depression while systematically removing your balls and feeding them to you one by one, before once again lifting you high above the clouds for the finale and offering you a bigger set, than you started out with.

Crying will not be an issue with this film; in fact I think it’s the most politically incorrect film Disney has ever made (which is probably why I enjoyed it). The RSPCA may be interested to see how the humans interact with these creatures when our heroes find themselves on the run from the government and trapped in a pet shop. One boy pops poor Hurley into some kind of sling shot and pelts the poor fat furry fella towards a tank containing a rather large snake. Of course the event itself does not result in dire consequences and has a humorous climax but still, there was part of me that wanted to have my very own guinea pig, so I could watch it fly across the room in aeronautical splendour!

Then once you get past that, the evil kid picks Blaster as the one he wants to take home; the ‘token black’ he speaks gangsta lite and seems up for anything, even when the evil boy is using him as a crash test dummy, with the aid of a remote control car. Meanwhile his sister is putting lipstick and dresses on Juarez. Someone call PETA!!! For the love of god is there no end to the cruelty?

The movie is a romp and a half, it makes some great pop culture references that will have you chuckling away to yourself – “Guinea Pigs Gone Wild”, “I love the smell of napalm in the morning” and my favourite reference to Die Hard, “Yippee kay aye coffee maker”. There’s something for everyone and the animation is top notch, you can tell the studio put a lot of love into bringing these characters to life in painstaking detail.

Despite the fact that this in an animated feature, animal cruelty is rife in this film… but films don’t make people do idiotic things like killing poor defenceless rodents, do they? Well, the education system is failing, kids are getting stupider and I fear for the safety of rodents everywhere! Run my little friends, run for your lives, Disney have screwed you over with their comedic antics!

However there is more to this film than cruelty to rodents. There’s a very serious threat to life as we know it and the ineptitude of the FBI and other government agencies leaves our fate in the hands of a rogue unit of rodents called G-Force. With just over 24 hours to stop a program from activating and bringing to life regular household appliance, our heroes and heroine put all their skills to the test as they make and lose friends along the way.

Despite this being a Disney film, over the past ten years Disney have been rather lax on the moral value of their movies. In this film it’s all about ‘family’ and little else. At least Snow White taught us not to take things from strangers and The Rescuers taught us a plethora of things about strangers and how bad they can be. The message seemed to have been sacrificed in this one for an extra fart joke here and there. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED the references and the jokes, but give our kids a moral message…

Special Features:

• Cine-Explore with Darwin, Blaster and their creator Hoyt H. Yeatman, Jr: This is the one feature I did not actually listen to in its entirety. It’s a Picture in Picture track that required an update to my player’s firmware to work. The block that contains the director is actually quite large and consumes the majority of the film playing behind it. In addition to this we also get to see concept art and other interesting little facts on how each character came together. From what I saw it was informative and Hoyt speaks with a passion which is conveyed in the film making process.
• Blaster’s Boot Camp: A Hi-Octane crash course in how to become a member of G-Force… it’s 4 minutes long. Let’s just say I didn’t make it to the end.
• G-Force Mastermind: A sneaky peek into how the concept for G-Force came about. I think the kid actually stole my idea from the 90’s except mine involved secret agent wombats with ninja skillz! You don’t need to watch this as the Picture in Picture commentary covers this in the first two minutes.
• Bruckheimer Animated: A quick retrospective on how Jerry Bruckheimer has integrated computer generated effects into a number of his films; Gone In 60 Seconds, Pearl Harbour and Armageddon to name a few.
• Access Granted: Inside The Animation lab: Follow Hoyt Yeatman, Jr as we take a look around Image Works at Sony Pictures as they work their magic and explain the painstaking process of bringing the furry rodent team to life on the big screen. One 10 second scene in some cases can take up to two weeks to animate completely.
• G-Farce Bloopers: Not particularly entertaining but kudos to Disney for not making up faux scenes for our animated friends to mess up in. The bloopers focus on the live action cast and the antics in the studio.
• Deleted Scenes: Again, nothing vaguely interesting here apart from one scene featuring the mole and some bunnys!!!
• Music Videos: Jump by Flo Rida Featuring Nelly Furtado – So bad Nelly didn’t show up and was CGI’d into the video rather badly; Ready To Rock by Steve Rushton – Seemingly signed by Disney as research shows this Brit appears on many a Disney soundtrack. His contribution to music is dire. I implore you, this evil musical murderer must be stopped!!; Go G-Force – The best of the bunch but only because the offerings were so poor. Go G-Force sees Blaster take the mic and MC his way through a Guinea Pig Rap.

Ratings:

Movie: 3 stars – G-Force is an entertaining romp that will have you chuckling to yourself and to be honest, I thought it was better than Pixar’s Up! Then again, I like fluffy pet like things that talk and cause mayhem.

Picture: 5 stars – PERFECT, as it should be! The movie itself is mainly computer generated adding in live action as we’ve never seen it done before (apparently). The interaction between animation and live actors is visually flawless. You would think that Hi Def media would bring out the flaws between man and fiction but it makes it look very real and very entertaining.

If you only check out one scene in this film go for the car chase; there’s a scene where the Rodent Mobile (it has a proper name but I can’t remember it) is chased through a fireworks display and the colours pop out at you. The film was originally a 3D release but here we’re only given the 2D treatment but I don’t believe the film has lost anything by not having the 3D option.

Sound: n/a – Can’t really comment, as I’m limited to my Denon 5.1 amp. Sounded fine to me, clear, front soundstage wasn’t overpowered by loud sound effects or anything like that. However if anyone would like to supply me with an amp and speakers, that can handle HD Codec Output then please contact Chris and Phil… lol.

Pink: Funhouse Tour Live In Australia

It’s not often you come across an artist in mainstream pop today that can deliver a two hour show with completely live vocals, let alone add in a dramatic amount of high wire work that will make even a hardened viewer cringe in fear for the safety of the artist on stage.

Pink delivers such a high level of entertainment that you can’t help but be drawn into the atmosphere on display in front of you. Her high energy, no nonsense attitude brings the best out of both performers and audience alike.

Here’s where I have to be honest with all of you reading this. When I first saw Pink back in 2005 on the Try This Tour I was in awe, the energy on stage was just amazing; she took her time to interact with those down the front and just had a good time. A trademark which shines through in Pink: Funhouse Live In Australia. Since that fateful winter day in 2005 I have seen her twice in other concerts and have followed the Funhouse Tour for 7 dates around the United Kingdom. A little excessive yet but I get around, I’m a music/film loving hussy who tends to obsess over things. It’s shameless I know, so there may be a little bias in this review…

HOWEVER, in my manic stalking of Pink I have managed to indoctrinate friends into the cause along the way, dragging them along to see a tour which they otherwise would have passed on.

The gig starts off with an intro video with a pre-recorded version of Highway To Hell, a motorcycle revs to life and the crowd roar their appreciation in unison as we move seamlessly into Bad Influence from the new album. A sign of what’s to come as Pink rises from the depths of the catwalk, high above the crowds, and begins to sing her hits and other album tracks.

With stunts a plenty it begs the question how does she do it? During the song Sober our leading lady takes to the sky on a trapeze with a high wire worker and sings flawlessly as she is swung back and forth, upside down, and leaps into the arms of the man keeping her from falling to the ground. (Of course she’s also attached to a set of bungee cords).

We also see a sexy softer side to Pink as she covers I Touch Myself a slow sexy number which may not be suitable for kids… god, how do I apply to become one of the hands? You’ll see what I mean.

The concert itself looks fantastic, sounds fantastic and is yet another reference disc. One day I will bring you a bad looking disc like the French horror Them aka Ils but for now, lets concentrate on the good that High Definition has to offer. Pink: Funhouse Tour Live In Australia offers everything a concert on Blu-ray should and it’s awesome entertainment to boot. You’ll find your foot tapping and your head banging as some of the poppier tunes take on a rockier vibe that can’t be found on the album. Also take note as Pink gets the audience to sing and dance along… I have mastered the art of the Sprinkler!

The Funhouse Tour finishes at the end of this year but returns to the UK for a stadium tour in the summer of 2010.

The Set List:

1. Highway To Hell
2. Bad Influence
3. Just Like A Pill
4. Who Knew
5. Ave Mary A
6. Don’t Let Me Get Me
7. I Touch Myself
8. Please Don’t Leave Me
9. U & UR Hand
10. Leave Me Alone (I’m Lonely)
11. So What
12. Family Portrait
13. I Don’t Believe You
14. Crystal Ball
15. Trouble
16. Baby I’m Gonna Leave You
17. Sober
18. Bohemian Rhapsody
19. Funhouse
20. Crazy
21. Get The Party Started
22. Glitter In The Air

Special Features:

1. On Tour With Pink
2. How to ‘Shred the Gnar’
3. Bloopers
4. It’s All Your Fault (Bonus Track)
5. One Foot Wrong (Bonus Track)

All the features on this disc give an insight into practicing for the tour after a short break in the land of Oz, the press junkets, the rehearsals and the nerves. They’ve even included fan footage of when things go wrong on the high wire.

I was at a date when a sling had not been removed from its holder properly and Pink actually dropped about eight feet and the whole of the O2 Arena fell silent and took an intake of breath, soon to be followed by laughter as Pink exclaimed “I nearly shit myself…” getting out of the sling to make sure it was okay again. Then she promptly followed up with, “Why are you laughing, I could have died…” It was an entertaining but altogether worrying moment for her and the crowd. The accident portrayed in the On Tour With Pink featurette is an even scarier moment as at that point she’s high above the rafters.

The features are engaging and let you have a small insight into the life behind the personality that is Pink, the unconventional pop star who finally made it big in the US after four albums with the release of So What.

What the Blu-ray also offers is two tracks which were actually added or lost from the set list as the tour progressed around the world. With 150 dates and 2 million plus people having seen the show worldwide, doing the same set list constantly may take the wind out of your sails. The DVD/Blu-ray adds these songs as a separate selection via the main menu.

Ratings:

Concert: 4 stars – For me this Blu-ray offered a way to relive the memories from the beginning of 2009, with friends, indoctrinating them into the ways of Pink. Sure, she’s not a conventional pop princess with big boobs (although they look great in HD) or the pretty face and long flowing locks, but she runs circles around Britney and Christina in terms of energy and performance vocals. Her voice never falters and you can tell she gives it her all in this superbly presented disc.

The only issue I had was the Menu because it just seemed a little drab.

Picture: 4 stars – Presented in glorious 1080p Pink: Funhouse Tour Live In Australia sparkles to life with its colourful setting and costumes. Only on occasion does the image seem to falter as the quick contrasts of lights seem to confuse the cameras and mar the quality as we switch to the crowd. It’s an acceptable flaw as the real quality is seen in the action on stage. During I Touch Myself you can literally see the goosebumps on Pink’s skin. You can see how the feathers on stage plague the singer as she battles to sing her ballads, flying into her face long after they’ve been used as a prop.

The clarity is of a reach out and touch the screen standard because it does feel like the star is actually in your living room.

Audio: 4 stars – On my piddly little 5.1 surround system that can’t handle uncompressed audio, all I can tell you is that I couldn’t fault the audio. Normally on concert discs some authors have the habit of levelling out the sound but for Pink: Funhouse Tour Live In Australia the sound does not hinder the vocals at all. I would have liked a little more echo in the mix to let you get that real arena feeling but as I said it’s a great package that will offer over 2 hours of fun in concert and features alone.

For £12.99 on Blu-ray this disc is a steal (as long as it’s purchased online). A great little stocking filler and believe me, I’ve bought four or five copies to spread the Christmas cheer this year.

Clifford Green (www.thedogatemywookie.com)